My mind is a self-pervading trap of what-ifs right now.
As I glance out into the abyss of my mind, poised by the grace of my silence, I realize that I need to write. So here I am, hiding away from the frigid cold, within the warmth of my bedsheets and my legs curled under me. I have spent the past month in a state of transition, questioning the realms of life and what it has in store for me. Me: I am in a process of reinvention, trying to claim what is mine and develop the passion within that I had somehow lost. The problem is that it is so deeply buried within the confines of my heart that I honestly have no idea what I am digging through. It is just scavenging through muddles of dirt and garbage to find what it is that love can rejoice in. There are most definitely treasures in there, but the majority of it is unnecessary to the development of my central core: who it is that i am. This is the situation that I currently am stumped by. This is what I have been seeking for the past few years of my life and I have sought it in all the wrong places. I have come out with many great lessons and experiences – BUT – At the end of it all, I am pondering the question: What does it mean to be? What does it mean to find yourself? How can I do it? I always thought I could find it in the simple things around me, but today, I am on the journey within to find love, respect, and care because it is what I deserve.
It is a journey of mishappenings, can-happenings, and what-the-hell-is-happening? And then there’s the grand old wow-that-happened!!! In this very moment, I am stumped by the uncertainty.